So here we go, this has been on my mind for some years now and has bothered me immensely. It is MY view and in no way meant to try and change anyone persons mind, k? Cool so lets continue, I want to start with one of my least liked quotes of all time…..”blood is thicker than water” *insert heavy sigh and a slight eye roll* this term has been used to justify so much crap and get people to continue in toxic family relationships at the detriment of their own well being and health. Furthermore the way it is being interpreted is actually not what the verse was intended for. Do your research people before you use this term on someone, because funny thing is, you are actually telling them that family is NOT more important than both the blood shed between comrades and friends and the blood of the covenant. While I am not here to save people from toxic family issues, I am here to make a statement of my own in regards to what I will NO longer put up with.
I do not care if we share DNA or a last name, continue to disrespect me and show your “love” with aggression, hate, and jealousy….you will never see me again except maybe in passing. I have put up with that shit for so long and made excuses that it broke my spirit. Tough love is about being firm not hateful! For many sensitive people and others I presume, this is NOT the way to handle issues or bend people to your will or way of thinking. Throwing your good deeds in my face will also get you a one way ticket out of my life. Seriously does anyone these days stop for one minute and look at all the possible sides of the story? Nah to busy causing chaos and making sure they are always right, that their feelings are validated, and never taking responsibility for their actions.
Listen, all families are dysfunctional in some way. There is an obvious difference between loving dysfunction and toxic dysfunction. Save yourself and your children as little heartache as possible and surround yourself with the loving kind people who do NOT see you as an obligation. I will never be anyones obligation!
Of course we love our family, most we grew up with and some we met later in life. Family means the world to me and that family consists of blood relatives, in law family, friends that are family, and my soul family. They come from all different backgrounds, religious preferences, shapes, sizes, and etc. Do you want to know why they are in my circle I consider my true family? Because each and everyone of them shows genuine affection, real love, and respect! They are fun and comfortable to be around, they make me laugh and have helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. I do not question their sincerity when they say they love me, I can feel it! They have never asked or expected anything in return, sometimes a simple thank you is all there is to give, and that is perfectly ok!
Am I innocent of acting out of turn and saying stuff better left unsaid? Nope. Do I mind my own business and let others live their lives? Yep. Do I respect others decisions and space even if I disagree? Yes because I want the same from others.
So now I am going to give you a short list of things that are not ok to do to people and then expect them to continue to be in your life.
1. When you see an emergency situation at their house and you keep going and then call someone else to find out if everyone is ok. Nope this is unacceptable! Even if we were on bad terms. I will always lend a hand if not for you, then for your kids. Compassion should have no boundaries!
2. Confront people while they are sick and just released from the hospital. Your shit can wait until they are better!.
3. Continue to text a person about a situation that you have been asked not to do, when you are referred to another family member to handle that matter and you do not respect their request. For real, respect goes along way. If for some reason you do not to respect this person, I have to wonder why you even bother? Oh that’s right….obligation, not with this chick!
4. Stop guilting the kids into feeling bad that you do not ever see them. Instead invite them over or better yet come see them if you miss them so bad. Seriously that is just plain common sense.
5. Stop feeling like everyone owes you, it will get you nowhere
6. If you do “good deeds” expecting things in return, then throwing a fit when they do not return your “good deed” in an manner you see fit. I would say its time to stop doing it.
7. Stop using your children as shields and excuses.
8. Absolutely no fighting and bickering at funerals over money, cars, and who sat next to who. Come on man!
9. Do not tell someone’s grandchild that their presence isn’t neccessary when a major surgery is being undertaken. I will do as I please and I do not need permission. I am a grown woman!
10. Do not under any circumstances talk bad about my parents in front of me EVER! Especially when it’s all bullshit!
11. Do not stop my other family members in the grocery store and talk bad about me as a mom. Have some class!
12. Ignore me numerous times and then out of the blue request my presence to make you feel special. Nope ain’t gonna happen!
13. Do not ever tell someone you hate them because they are skinny. Green is not your color. I actually wrote about this incident
Hours of conversation
Trying to see eye to eye
You unloaded your burden
And I stayed by your side
I put my values and morals
To the wayside
Bound in ties that were never mine
I tried and tried
Only after the final words
You left me empty inside
And you said to me in those final goodbyes
“While we are being honest, I hate you because of your size”.
“Anywho I love you, bye”.
I was left stunned and speechless
But I did not cry
For as I stayed in the circle
But near the outside
A resolution was coming
I could feel it inside
You tried yet again
To break me inside
With your ignorance and expectations
Judgements and lies
And now with consequences be damned
I will never again stand next to you side by side
You are now but a memory
A lesson learned in time
Ok I am sure there is more but I am done with this situation forever. This was about me releasing what I know would do me no good to say in person, been there done that, so this was a good therapy session for myself and I’m out! ✌🏼❤🕉