To be weak
Is to be strong
To dry your eyes
Is because you have no more to cry
To walk alone
Is to know your way
To be tired
Is because you have lived
To fall apart
Is because you where once whole
Is because you feel
Is because of the light~ Jennifer Steen
So while I had not had anymore major episodes or issues, I began to notice that my stomach would swell after I ate. I was rapidly losing weight and food was making me sick. Three months in, it was discovered that my gallbladder was dying. A few days before Thanksgiving, I had it taken out.
I recovered and tried to get back to normal but that was not to be.
On December 1, 2017, I woke up with a headache, dizzy, and nauseated. By the time I got up and made it into the kitchen, my world suddenly tilted on its axis. The pain exploded in my head and spread through every nerve in my body. I hit my knees as soon as I could and laid in a fetal position on the floor for roughly 30 minutes. All I could do was lay there and pray this was not what was to become of me. Praying for help, for answers, and for my family. This is not a burden I ever wanted for them. My 12 year old daughter was home from school that day and I will never forget the look on her face when she found me on the floor. She sat with me and held my hand until I could properly function again.
Over the next few months, I had smaller episodes like this but none as severe, mostly dizziness and lose of balance. On February 5th, 2018, I collapsed one morning on my bedroom floor. For the first time the numbness was replaced by almost indescribable pain. I was struggling to breath and could not even pick myself off the floor. I was rushed by ambulance to the local hospital, by this time, the pain had lessened but I was still in panic mode trying to calm myself down. The good old doc told me it was ONLY a panic attack and blew me off. I begged him to listen to me but he did not. I cried so much, it was like a part of my spirit died in that moment.
Why would no one help me?
Why was I being ignored?
Did they really think I was making this up?
Well as you will come to find out in part 4, what was going on was very serious and very real. Thank you all for reading and taking this journey with me!