Lifestyle · Uncategorized · writing

Forgiveness

People talk to me a lot about forgiveness and how it should be standard protocol. I am going to be honest, I first must learn to forgive myself, and I have much to atone for. I will work on me and then someday I will get on with the business of facing those who hurt me. Another truth……most of my hurt in those situations came by own actions and inactions, my inability to let go, and the twisted belief that I could change situations that were set in stone. To somehow change how people truly felt about me and the hold something together that was never meant to be. I wanted, no needed, people to understand what is was I was experiencing and going through, and they didn’t. My sensitivity took over my common sense and I have paid for it but even after all that, I would not change my sensitivity for anything. I was born that way and will stay that way, it is my job to learn how to manage it though. To step away and work on myself. That is what I have been doing and will continue to do, I have some amazing people in my corner and love me for the real me. My soul is on a journey not many understand, the only person I am accountable to is ME! To my husband and my kids. Forgiveness is a choice, a major commitment to truly release the pain and shame. It takes time, work, and self love. Picking up the pieces of your broken heart and mending them as best you can. As I face life long illness’s and damage I can not fix, my priorities are not the same as others. I have dreams to fulfill and a family to raise, I have places to go and experiences to witness. I am freeing myself from bonds that are not mine to hold together and finding a love for myself I have never had before. To accept myself and change what needs to be, to be healthy and happy, and to help others find hope and light in the darkness. To know when to dim that light and sit in the darkness without being afraid of getting lost. To love all the imperfect parts of myself and be thankful for each day!

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