Blogging · health · mental health · poetry · Uncategorized · wellness · writing

🖤

I want you to understand what is it like for me
It is not at all how I thought it would be, every little thing feels like the end to me
Every ache and pain scares me
My days are filled with making memories, in case they are all you have left of me
I want to live the happiest I can be
All while slowly falling into the abyss of misery
I lay awake at night for fear of falling asleep
I cry in the morning, thankful I get another chance to hug my babies
To tell my husband how much he means to me
Maybe this will be the day for another epiphany
An answer to a prayer for what is best for me
I can write what’s in my heart and share it for the world to see
It is important for you to know what life is like with chronic illness you see
Not only for the ones you love but the chance you may face the same adversity
We are people just like you, with hopes and dreams
We fight silent battles that no one sees
We must advocate for ourselves while fighting for our lives
I hope now you understand me
I am coming to the realization that this is how it is supposed to be

~Jennifer Steen

health · Lifestyle · mental health · Uncategorized · wellness

Health and Wellness Progress Report

Hey! So as I am waiting on the first round of tests to come in, I wanted to give you all an update on what has been happening and where I am at on my journey.

Things are improving slowly and positively so while I am still weak and fatigued, my mind is in a much better place. With Omega 3 supplements and adrenal tonic, my brain fog has cleared, my hair no longer falls out, and I have more energy. Hopefully the test results, I will have a clear picture of the damage the steroids did to my adrenal glands. So important message, if you are diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency, please find another alternative besides steroids. They will turn your adrenal glands to stone and you will be dependant on those for the rest of your life, I was lucky and caught it in time before it did irrevocable damage. Your adrenals, when insuffiecient, need rest, proper diet, and all natural support! I have gone from two steroid pills twice a day to a quarter of a pill once a day, guys that is huge!

I have been on a no grain, no diary, no soy, no corn, and no processed sugar diet. While as hard and as complicated it is to maintain with all the temptation around me, I have found that I feel better physically and emotionally. My gut issues have all but gone away and my joint pain only flairs occassionally. Consider trying it for a few weeks and see how you feel!

I also have been facing my internal struggles with trauma, hurt, pain, and fear. This one will be a life long commitment and one that will test my emotional intelligence to it’s breaking point. I will not change who I am to the core, because she is a beautiful person, but I can change how I react and perceive the world around me. Not facing my issues did not help my medical issues, it made them worse. Stress kills and damages our immune system. We are so much more than the pain we carry around and only we can change our circumstances. Look inward, pray, meditate, and be grateful for every single good time and every single bad time. They are lessons and a pathway to a fulfilling our life path, or destiny!

I have found a level of patience and an understanding that stress leads me nowhere but down. I want answers but I must trust the universe and the creators plan for me, I surround myself with love and support and just breath. I work on myself, my goals, and becoming a healthier. Being ok with being sad sometimes, and enjoying the happy times to the max!

I want to give a shout out to the first doctor, who ever truly helped me, she believed me and in me, and the weight she lifted off my shoulders was so much more than I could have ever hoped for! When no one listened or believed me, she did and gave me the information and the tools to help myself and I am forever grateful to her! She is brilliant, kind, and one of a kind. If you are needing to find a doctor who will take a natural, holistic approach to your health please do not hesitate to reach out to her! She is based in Trinidad, Colorado and can also work remotely with you wherever you are. Her name is Dr. Ivory Raye. http://www.rayenaturopathic.com/

I also see a local doctor here in the Texas Panhandle who has also helped me immensely and is running the tests that I will be having over the next few months, he is also a chiropractor and is patient oriented and will do whatever he can to help! He also offers a holistic approach to healthcare, his name is Dr. Mike Vennell. https://www.spineandsportswellnessclinic.com/

Your health and wellness is important and I hope anyone struggling and feeling hopeless in their journey, to reach out to me or to my doctors. There are people who are willing to help and I am here for support! Thank you for reading and following me on this journey! I will be updating the blog with the results of my dutch test as soon as I get them.

Jennifer Steen

health · Lifestyle · Uncategorized · wellness · writing

Functional Health Report-Blood Chemistry Analysis

Hey! So these samples where taken in mid November, I recieved the results a month later, and now after processing them I will share them with you. This will give insight into what I have been dealing with, suffering from, and hopefully help shed light for anyone who may be sick and need direction on where to find help. I am still undergoing testing to confirm multiple diagnosis’s and how to treat them, if possible in some cases.

It has been 100% confirmed I have a female testosterone deficiency.

Likely 83% Female hormone support

Likely 71% Metabolic syndrome

Possible 59% Metabolic acidosis

Possible 60% Hypoglycemia

Possible 67% Increased cardiovascular Risk

Possible 58% Immune Insufficiency

Possible 57% Secondary Hypothyroidism

Possible 55% Hyperlipidemia

Possible 50% Thyroid Conversion Issues

I suffer from chronic inflammation, compromised thyroid and adrenal function, possible dysbiosis of the gut, compromised intestinal digestion: fungus overgrowth and inflammation of the gut. I will put an asterik next to the symptoms I suffer from…..

I have 3 alarm high results-

Thyroglobulin Abs is a protein produced by the follicular cells in the thyroid gland to produce Thyroxine(T4) and Triiodothyronine(T3). They are immune cells that attack the in the thyroid. Elevated levels are found in patients with Hashimoto’s and Grave’ disease. Optimal range is 0.00-1.00 mine is 10.30.

MCH (The Mean Corpuscular Hemoglobin) is a calculated value and is expression of the average weight of hemoglobin per red blood cells. It is a sign of anemia and B12/folate deficiency and hypochlorhydria. When levels are high, indicates my red blood cells are enlarged. Symptoms include tiredness*, pale skin*, fast heartbeat*, brain fog*, confusion*, memory loss*, amd weight loss*. Optimal range is 28.00-31.90 mine is 34.50.

I have a severe and high risk Omega 3 deficiency which caused my hair to fall out, insomnia, poor concentration, fatigue, joint pain, and dry skin. Range is 2.66-12.65 mine is 1.17. These omega results came from a separate report.

Above Optimal Range-

Anion gap is the measurement of the difference between the sum of the sodium and potassium levels and the sum of the serum CO2/bicarbonate and chloride levels. Increased levels are associated with thiamine deficiency and metabolic acidosis. Optimal range is 7.00-12.00 mine is 17.00

Triglycerides/HDL Ratio is determined serum triglycerides and HDL levels. Increased ratios are associated with increased risk of developing insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes. Optimal range is 70.00-80.00 mine is 167.00.

Thyroid Peroxidase (TPO) Abs is an enzyme inside the cells of the thyroid that attaches to iodine molecules to a tyrosine molecule to form T4. Elevated levels are found in Autoimmune Thyroiditis such as Hashimotos’s Thyroiditis. Optimal range is 0.00-6.80 mine 13.00.

Triglycerides- Serum triglycerides are composed of fatty acid molecules that enter the blood stream either from the liver or from the diet. Levels will be elevated in metabolic syndrome, fatty liver, in people with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, hypothyroidism, and adrenal dysfunction. Optimal range is 0.00-2.00 mine is 3.48.

Reticulocyte count- A reticulocyte is a young, immature blood cell. An increased count indicates that an increased production of red blood cells is occurring in the bone marrow in response to premature destruction or loss. Optimal range is 0.05-1.50 mine is 2.20.

LDL Cholesterol known as bad cholesterol. It is associated with metabolic syndrome, oxidative stress and fatty liver. Optimal range is 80.00-100.00 mine is 106.00.

Insulin-Fasting- commonly known as resistance and is associated with increased levels of insulin in the blood. Excess insulin is associated with greater risk of heart attack, stroke, metabolic syndrome and diabetes. Optimal range is 2.00-5.00 mine is 9.50.

RBC-Female- The RBC count determines the total number of red blood cells or erythrocytes found in a cubic millimeter of blood. The carry oxygen from the lungs to the body tissue and transfer carbon dioxide from the tissues to the lungs. Increased levels are associated with dehydration*, stress*, need for vitamin c and respiratory distress. Optimal range is 3.90-4.50 mine 4.70.

Monocytes- are white blood cells that are the bodies second line of defense against infection. Levels rise at the with a chronic infection. Optimal range is 4.00-7.00 mine is 7.20.

MCV- is a measurements of volume of an average red blood cell. An increase shows anemia. Is associated with B12, folate, and vitamin C deficiency.

Homocysteine- a molecule formed from the incomplete metabolism of the amino acid methionine. An increase raises the risk of cardiovascular disease by causing damage to the lining of the arteries. Meaning by arteries are inflamed, causing depression and inflammatory bowel disease, among other things. Optimal range is 0.00-7.20 mine is 8.00.

Below Optimal

Progesterone-Female Optimal range is 18.00-27.00 mine is 0.07 symptoms include headaches*, migraines* ,hot flashes*, thyroid dysfunction*, weight gain, fibroids, low libido in non pregnant women

Free T3– is the most active thyroid hormone and is primarily produced from the conversion of T4 in the peripheral tissue. Levels may be decreased with hypothyroidism and is associated with selenium deficiency. Optimal range is 3.00-3.50 mine is 2.60.

CO2- Carbon dioxide is a measure of bicarbonate in the blood. CO2, as bicarbonate, is available for acid-base balancing. Bicarbonate neutralizes acids in the body. Decreased levels are associated with metabolic acidosis. Optimal range 25.00-30.00 mine is 21.00.

Testosterone Total-Female. In woman, low totals have been linked to an increased risk for osteoporosis, decreased lean body mass* and decreased libido. Optimal range is 35.00-45.00 mine 27.70.

Testosterone Free-Female. Optimal range is 1.00-2.20 mine is 0.27.

Alkaline Phosphatase(ALP) is a group of isoenzymes that originate in the bone, liver, instestines, skin, and placenta. Decreased levels of ALP have been associated with zinc deficiency. Optimal range is 70.00-100.00 mine is 55.00

Cortisol-PM The serum cortisol test is used to identify dysfunction in the adrenal gland. Decreased levels are associated with adrenal insufficiency. Optimal range is 6.00-10.00 mine is 4.10 symptoms include •low blood pressure*, •dizziness*, •salt cravings*, •hypoglycemia*, •nausea*, •diarrhea, •vomiting•GI issues*.

DHEA-S Female. Is produced primarily from the adrenals and is the most abundant circulating steroid in the human body and influences more than 150 known anabolic(repair) functions throughout the body and brain. Decreased levels are associated with conditions such as disease of the nervous system, cardiovascular, and immune systems such as metabolic syndrome, mood disorders, amd sexual dysfunction. Optimal range is 275.00-390.00 mine is 220.70.

Globulin- constitute the body’s antibody system and the total globulin is a measurement of all the individual globulin fractions in the blood. Decreased levels are associated with inflammation in the digestive system and immune insufficiency. Optimal range is 2.40-2.80 mine is 2.30.

Vitamin DOptimal range is 50.00-100.00 mine is 38.70. Symptoms include increased risk of infections and getting sick often*, fatigue*, bone and back pain*, depression*, bone loss, hair loss*, and muscle pain*.

TSH– or thyroid stimulating hormone is a hormone produced by the anterior pituitary to control the thyroid gland’s production of T4, to store T4 and to release it into the bloodstream. TSH synthesis amd secretion is regulated by the release of TRH(thyroid releasing hormone) from the hypothalamus. TSH levels describe the body’s desire for more T4 and T3 which is done in relation to the body’s need for energy. A low TSH reflects the body’s low need for thyroid hormone. Optimal TSH levels, in a normally functioning pituitary, can tell us the amount of T4 in the blood match the body’s current need and/or ability to utilize the energy necessary for optimal cell function. Optimal range is 1.30-3.00 mine is 1.18.

Creatinine- is produced primarily from the contraction of muscles and is removed by the kidneys. Decreased levels are associated with muscle loss. Optimal range 0.80-1.10 mine is 0.78.

Ok so there it is……I have began taking all natural supplements for the vitamin deficiencies including Omega Monopure 1300EC and vitamin D. I have also cut my steroid pills(which were turning my adrenal glands to stone) from 2 pills 2x daily to a quarter pill once a day with the help of an adrenal tonic 1tsp 2x a day. I take 5 drops of progesterone 2x daily under the tongue and panplex2 for gastric and instestinal digestive support. 20190106_1421311843879601217237752.jpg

 

I cut out diary, grains, corn, soy products, and processed sugar and I feel much better. My energy levels are increasing even with debilitating fatigue and my gastric issues have also decreased. I drink 3 liters of alkaline water daily and rest as much as my busy life will allow. This lifestyle change takes dedication, determination,and sacrifice. I am here to tell you that is hard yet worth it!

I am currently waiting on the results of my Dutch test and will be having a GI map later this month. I will share those in follow up posts as I get them. Please do your research, seek out a legit functioning medicine or naturopathic doctor, and start taking your health seriously!! If anyone has any questions or need a referral to my doctors, please message me and I will be happy to help!

Jennifer Steen

health · Lifestyle · poetry · Uncategorized · writing

Me on display…..and more to come!

Hey everyone! I know I have shared a lot about what has been going in my life over the last two years. The pain, the sickness, my inner most thoughts and feelings. Things I have rarely spoken out loud about and now I am sharing them for the world to see…. it is really scary and freeing all at the same time. I had a major life changing awakening, three months of journeying, journaling, and then it all came crashing down. Slowly at first then like an avalanche, getting buried inside as you get hit from all sides. A struggled just to survive, I curled up inside and infected my body and mind. My ego and heart collided. Releasing the soul within the vessel I reside.

The extent of the damage is severe, I fight with everything I have deep inside to keep surviving and thriving, then sometimes shut down and revive. When I started writing a few years ago at the very same moment in time, I purged all the feelings inside all the way back to before I was one year old. Again, things trapped deep inside where the deep pain and shame resides. 35 years worth of a life, put on display by my own hand, so I have no one to blame. Fate has whispered my name and this was the plan. My past, present, and future all collided like a flaming supernova from which I came. I lost a great deal of people I still hold in my heart, I broke the chains holding me down and there was devastation in it’s wake. For that I will forever be sorry and must forgive myself and others to truly be awake.

Sounds all kinds of crazy but that is ok! Crazy is sane these days…..makes sense if you choose to look at it that way. So anyways, just wanted to share this with you and thank you so much for reading. There will be much more soon, I am getting better most everyday, healing the fractures that remain. I have so much hope that 2019 will be the year that gold fills the broken pieces and I realize my dreams, for hope is a beautiful thing. Writing like crazy, I have a lot to sort through. Crazy because I never put pen to paper before in my whole life. I woke up a poet one day and as you can see, it has stayed with me, for that is a blessing. Must have been all the stories I read, that live in my head. For the story is never truly over even after The End. ~Jennifer Steen

*The featured image is one of my favorite works of art and I would love to have the concept tattooed as a half sleeve with other elements of my life. It perfectly represents what it feels like to me, the serene resilience, as the war rages inside. If anyone knows who the artist is, I would really like to know! Thank you!!

health · Uncategorized

My Neuropsychological Evalution

So there has been a lot of talk about my mental state over the last few months, even years for that matter and I have been candid about them and what I have been dealing with. Apparantly I need to set the record straight and I have no hesitation in doing so. When I started this journey, I promised to be open and to share my story in the hopes that it helped others….not to play victim. So let’s get started.

I recently had a neuropsychological evaluation, I had three very intense sessions, and here are the results…..

Personality and Emotional Functions

“There were significant elevations on multiple scales, which suggest a person with significant anxiety, depression, and concerns about somatic functioning”.

She sees her life as being severely disrupted by a variety of physical problems and her poor health is a major component of her self image. Her somatic complaints are to the extent that they render her incapable of performing even minimal role expectations. She is impulsive and emotionally liable, and endorses a high degree of anxiety. Her anxiety is persistent and trait-like and reflects a dispositionally low threshold for the experience of events as dangerous or threatening. She endorses anxious reactions to a history of a traumatic stressors”.

She reports experiencing notable distress in her life at present. She reports being self-conscious in social interactions and is probably not skilled at asserting herself. She is probably uncomfortable being the focus of attention”.

Summary and Impressions

Jennifer’s personality testing indicates severe and debilitating levels of anxiety and distress as well as focus on her health problems. Given this anxiety, she is more prone to be internally focused, and not notice physical tension more readily than a person without anxiety. When she feels tension building, she pays more attention to the physical sensations of this stress. Not only does she report a large number of vague and complicated somatic complaints, but also a high degree of focus on her health. She sees her problems as complex and difficult to treat. Her personality is such that she is likely to be resistant to a psychological interpretation of her symptoms. However, characterologically, she deals with stress via repression. She may not psychological experience herself as anxious, but she has a very low threshold for tolerating events that are stressful.”

Jennifer likely had some risk factors for development of anxiety and depression, namely a strong family history and the precipitating factor appears to have been a history of past traumas as well as familial stressors.”

Investigation of the validity indices does not suggest any overt attempts on impression management, carelessness, or inattention to detail, or inconsistentency in responding. In fact, Jennifer’s low T-score on the Positive Impression Management scale suggests that she was candid in her responses. Her profile should be considered an accurate reflection of her current state.

I think some have been under the impression that I am too stupid to know my own self, therefore it is there job to tell me. News flash, I am very self aware, just because I know, does not mean I can fix things overnight. I have my recommendations and I will follow through with them so again, no need to throw it in my face while in an arguement, ok?! Might want to look in the mirror for some reflection.

I admit that I have shut myself away to protect myself and others, it’s been lonely and hard to handle. I pick and choose my battles carefully, and while I do not always execute them in the best way, it is always with the best of intentions. To those who have stuck by me, fought with me, and dealt with me….. I am humbled and grateful! For those that did not, I am thankful!

I have some medical updates that I will be sharing soon and will give some more insight into what has been going with my health….stay tuned and thank you for reading!

Jennifer Steen

health · Lifestyle · poetry · Uncategorized

Medical update….October 29th 2018

What do I say about today…..words almost won’t display the feelings brewing inside my brain. When did we lose sight of what was in front of our face? How do we face what is hidden away? My feelings are written all over my face, not hidden away in shame. I speak in written word for my voice can not seem to be heard. My soul is in control for she seems to know the way, protecting my heart from what she can not comprehend. Self is who I am and all the beauty she beholds. Egos have no place within, they are hard enough to control. Does this look okay to you? Some just can not open their eyes, their hearts filled with toxins out of control. Amongst the chaos and denials, you find the angels sent to guide you as everything spins out of control. Words have saved me and will continue to do so, my hope is that we find each other and take back our control. ~Jennifer Steen

After getting repeatedly told to “just deal” and being blown off, I sought out a naturopathic doctor to help me find a better way to live and try to finally find out what the hell is wrong with me. After an eye opening and comfortable appointment, I felt optimistic that I could find a way to get answers and that one of my doctors here in Texas would help with labs.

I had that appointment today with my endocrinologist and it did not go well. He refused to order recommended tests (by amazing said doctor) and that he saw no evidence to warrant these tests….say that again? Oh and he did say it again along with verbally arguing with my husband about his credentials and the fact that he was the doctor. No shit sherlock, the plaques on your wall say so but your attitude and ego need a ton of work. I will absolutely not have someone like that in charge of my care, it has been made very clear to me the direction they are trying to go and that they are grasping at straws. I will save them the trouble, I have no problem admitting my mental health issues and am currently dealing with them appropriately. No one has yet to have the guts to say it to my face, because a serious medical issue is written all over my face. I get that answers have to be sought but as natural order goes, to find them you have to search EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE! I believe that is common knowledge that makes common sense, right?! My case is complex and requires out of the box thinking, just like me. Thankfully I found an amazing angel doctor who was sent to help me and now I am going to follow that path after so many different trails. I have already began the process of diet changes and supplements and it has helped. We are going to figure this out and the war will have made perfect sense.

“I walk through the fire in silent screams until I wake, then swim in the healing waters for some rest”.

I know I have not given a medical update in awhile, it has been a bit hard to share that part. So much unknown and fear, while I am better in some ways than before. There is something really wrong, I can feel it, I can see it and I just want to know how to possibly fix it. I do not believe that is to much to ask for. As I typed this my young son just looked over at me and said “mommy I am so sorry you are sick”. Be still my heart and then it breaks a bit more, this is all he has ever known. I want more for the both of us, for my family and friends. Thank you all for taking this journey with me, for the love and support. For the prayers, good vibes, and kind words. I love you all ✌🏼❤🕉

PS. I wrote this yesterday and felt like I needed to sleep on it and give my emotions a rest. No matter what happens I am blessed beyond measure! Thankful and appreciative! Loved and lost! I am a better for this journey, this struggle, and even on my knees I am grateful for the lessons it has taught me…..

health · Lifestyle · poetry

To enjoy the days…..

There are so many reasons why I went away. I simply could not manage day to day. Locked away inside my tainted haven. Coping with what was beyond comprehension. I have to protect myself as I struggle to survive in this world. Energies hitting me from all sides. Draining my spirit while my soul swims in white light. My mind works overtime just like the machines of this time. Filtering all the vibes takes more time while my body declines. It is all connected….the heart, body, soul, and mind. I go at my pace now after falling so far behind. Living in the moment as if it’s my last time. Loving has saved me and losing has taught me. I do not see what many others believe to be. I believe in what I feel, think, and see. The beauty all around me and the good in all you see. That is the best life for me, full of music and the sea. Mountains and plains as far as the eye can see. I am finding my home and getting lost on the way. Endless journeys through space and time, leaving miracles in it’s wake. ~Jennifer Steen