health · Lifestyle · poetry · Uncategorized

Medical update….October 29th 2018

What do I say about today…..words almost won’t display the feelings brewing inside my brain. When did we lose sight of what was in front of our face? How do we face what is hidden away? My feelings are written all over my face, not hidden away in shame. I speak in written word for my voice can not seem to be heard. My soul is in control for she seems to know the way, protecting my heart from what she can not comprehend. Self is who I am and all the beauty she beholds. Egos have no place within, they are hard enough to control. Does this look okay to you? Some just can not open their eyes, their hearts filled with toxins out of control. Amongst the chaos and denials, you find the angels sent to guide you as everything spins out of control. Words have saved me and will continue to do so, my hope is that we find each other and take back our control. ~Jennifer Steen

After getting repeatedly told to “just deal” and being blown off, I sought out a naturopathic doctor to help me find a better way to live and try to finally find out what the hell is wrong with me. After an eye opening and comfortable appointment, I felt optimistic that I could find a way to get answers and that one of my doctors here in Texas would help with labs.

I had that appointment today with my endocrinologist and it did not go well. He refused to order recommended tests (by amazing said doctor) and that he saw no evidence to warrant these tests….say that again? Oh and he did say it again along with verbally arguing with my husband about his credentials and the fact that he was the doctor. No shit sherlock, the plaques on your wall say so but your attitude and ego need a ton of work. I will absolutely not have someone like that in charge of my care, it has been made very clear to me the direction they are trying to go and that they are grasping at straws. I will save them the trouble, I have no problem admitting my mental health issues and am currently dealing with them appropriately. No one has yet to have the guts to say it to my face, because a serious medical issue is written all over my face. I get that answers have to be sought but as natural order goes, to find them you have to search EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE! I believe that is common knowledge that makes common sense, right?! My case is complex and requires out of the box thinking, just like me. Thankfully I found an amazing angel doctor who was sent to help me and now I am going to follow that path after so many different trails. I have already began the process of diet changes and supplements and it has helped. We are going to figure this out and the war will have made perfect sense.

“I walk through the fire in silent screams until I wake, then swim in the healing waters for some rest”.

I know I have not given a medical update in awhile, it has been a bit hard to share that part. So much unknown and fear, while I am better in some ways than before. There is something really wrong, I can feel it, I can see it and I just want to know how to possibly fix it. I do not believe that is to much to ask for. As I typed this my young son just looked over at me and said “mommy I am so sorry you are sick”. Be still my heart and then it breaks a bit more, this is all he has ever known. I want more for the both of us, for my family and friends. Thank you all for taking this journey with me, for the love and support. For the prayers, good vibes, and kind words. I love you all ✌🏼❤🕉

PS. I wrote this yesterday and felt like I needed to sleep on it and give my emotions a rest. No matter what happens I am blessed beyond measure! Thankful and appreciative! Loved and lost! I am a better for this journey, this struggle, and even on my knees I am grateful for the lessons it has taught me…..

Uncategorized

A world gone cold….so let us warm it with kindness!

Hey! So I have been thinking a lot about all the hate and division that exists so prevelantly in the world today, so I wrote a poem about it!

As you exist in the vast hole within your soul
Try and find the reasons you are there
What is your purpose?
Whatever it is, do it with kindness
For we live in a world gone cold
Stripped of our dignity and caged in defeat
Our voices silenced behind a curtain of false applause
We are raised in fear and shamed for our courage
In a sea of broken smiles and jaded eyes
Be the shining light and speak your mind
There is no right or wrong way, as long as your heart leads the way
So pull up a chair and get comfy, or grab your keys and go
As you take this life changing journey into the vast hole within your soul

Jennifer Steen

I have been able to accept just how much cruelty and hate exists between people, but do not like it at all, and wish for things to be different. The optimist within believes that compassion and kindness will always defeat the evil and ignorance surrounding us, as individuals and as a whole. In my own life I can honestly say I have my moments where I am not so nice, impatient, and stressed. Yet I never act of hate or set out to tear people down. Also being a realist I know that the idea of worldwide harmony and inner peace for all is a long way away if possible at all. You know that saying “Without suffering, there would be no compassion”. So my focus is on my own inner peace and being kind, yeah I know, easier said than done!

Now I will say that there is nothing wrong with being stern and taking a stand against those who spew their hate on you. People think being kind in the face of hate, is to weak. They are so wrong! While violence is also rampant in our society, no good ever comes out of it…..

My hope for the future is that those of us who do share this vision and strive to be kind and compassionate, will stay on the course and encourage others to do the same. Show by example!! But if they don’t follow, then stand alone! It is the bravest thing you can ever do!!

I leave you with this quote “It is the quality of ones conviction that determines success, not the number of followers”. ~Remus Lupin Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

YES lol I am a Harry Potter fan!!

✌🏼❤🕉